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How to deal with an over bearing parent

So I reluctantly stepped forward to coach/manage my son's U8 team. It has taken me completely out of my comfort zone but we're three matches in and I have to say I'm loving it. I don't have an assistant yet so am doing the coaching and managing myself. This is all new to me and it's the first year the boys have played in a league so new to them as well. We've yet to win a game but we keep smiling and I ensure I encourage the boys to just have fun whatever the outcome. My issue is one of the dad's. Every match so far he stands on the sidelines shouting at the boys telling them what to do and where to stand. He is contradicting what I'm telling the boys and what I'm trying to encourage them to do during the match. Being a man his voice carries further than mine. This weekend he surpassed himself. After one of the quarters my team were standing on the pitch waiting for the other team so they could start the next quarter. This dad ducks under the respect line, runs onto the pitch and moves the boys to where he thinks they should be. It completely undermined me in front of the kids, parents, opposition and referee. My question is have you dealt with something similar and if so, how without causing a fall out? Any suggestions greatly received. Thanks. Gemma

Parents
  • Oh my. God, you sound in the same Position as me. Firstly, massive well done for stepping upto the plate. I don't have this at matches but do at training. I started by posting things in our WhatsApp chat.. Like The respect code and bluntly putting that spectators do not know what the coach has Told the kids so to please only shout positive encouragement, then put it bluntly.. Anyone not respecting this will be asked to leave.. Your welfare officer can do this for you. I had. To say.. Youre confusing the kids, the kids are frustrated with you,. You're embarrassing your child OR if you think you can Do better please get yourself fa qualified and join in. Chin up... You're smashing it. Feel. Free. To contact me. X

Reply
  • Oh my. God, you sound in the same Position as me. Firstly, massive well done for stepping upto the plate. I don't have this at matches but do at training. I started by posting things in our WhatsApp chat.. Like The respect code and bluntly putting that spectators do not know what the coach has Told the kids so to please only shout positive encouragement, then put it bluntly.. Anyone not respecting this will be asked to leave.. Your welfare officer can do this for you. I had. To say.. Youre confusing the kids, the kids are frustrated with you,. You're embarrassing your child OR if you think you can Do better please get yourself fa qualified and join in. Chin up... You're smashing it. Feel. Free. To contact me. X

Children
  • Thank you Caroline. I'm sorry to hear you're suffering something similar. I don't like to use the whole "woman" thing but I do feel as though if I were a "dad" he wouldn't be doing this and he certainly didn't do it to the established coach the boys had in the years running up to them starting in a league. I definitely need to nip it in the bud early otherwise it will just escalate. I think I will try and speak to him after training on Wednesday and see what happens. Hopefully he will have the respect after that to let me do what I'm trying to do otherwise it'll have to take it to the next level! I certainly won't let it continue. I wish you the very best of luck x

  • Stick in there Gemma, the kids are the first barometer of how you are doing. From bitter experience I can also reassure you it happens to dads as well.  Sounds like you are feeling a  little alone on this, although the support on line here should help you get through. The CWO should be made aware of the fact a parent encroached (the oppo may well have informed their CWO). You can then chose how to work with the CWO on this one. If you haven't seen the FA Video Safeguarding for Committee members (free & online) it is worth a look. I have been CWO for a long time and I would would want to know this happened and how you'd want me to play it (within the boundaries of my over riding responsibile for safeguarding).  Let us all know how you get on though

  • Hi Paul, many thanks for your message. Although it's not nice to hear it happening to others it's reassuring to know it's not just me! The support I've received to my post has been great and there's some great advice. I must confess I didn't think it was serious enough to involve the Club but having read some of the responses it's clear I should and for them to decide if they want/need to take it further. In the first instance I will speak to him and I will let my Club know of his response. Hopefully its a case that he's getting caught up in the moment and not realising the detriment he is causing nor the rules he is breaking. I will let you all know how it goes.